Birds

Pick something in nature and write an essay about it.


I choose bird because it can play away
in to the sky, and bird made a nest on the
tree.  We can see a nest in Korea.  I want to
see a nest because I want to see a bird
's eggs.  Bird can I see your nest?  and bird
is a nature, bird droop a dong on a car.
And people are very angry, bird please not to
droop dong on a car.  Why are you droop dong on
a car, birds!  I can draw birds and paper,
And my favorite bird is a eagle.  because it is
a little scary and it's good.  and birds are many
kinds of birds, and there are eagle or.......
Why birds are in the sky?  I think bird has
two wings and they can play in to the
sky.  Why are you has a beek.  Beek is a very
sharp.  It looks like shark's tooth.

Oh, Korea.

:)

The Elevator.

When I first came to Korea, I was under the false impression that people waited a few steps back from doors that open and close i.e. subway or elevator doors.  (This post is mainly about elevators so, we will ignore the subway from here.  I just wanted to give more than one example of places where I think it's appropriate to wait more than a nose length away from doors.)  Generally, I like to stand a little back from the doors just in case someone happens to want to enter or exit the elevator.  This way, it's easy for me and the person moving to maneuver around each other and have a pleasant riding experience.

I think we all know where this story is headed.

My Korean friends like to stand as close as physically possible to the elevator door.  I mean, if they could crawl inside the elevator door and wait there, they probably would.  It looks like they are overjoyed with how nice the elevator door smells.  I can't find any other reason why a person would want to be so close to a giant piece of metal.  This leads to some problems.  The most frequently witnessed problem is when others want to enter or exit.

If the person standing with their cheek smashed against the door wants to exit and a mysterious intruder on the other side wants to enter, we have some big issues.  Firstly, who is going to get to go first.  Secondly, how can we reach a logical conclusion as to who should go first.  Thirdly, I'm going first because I have been waiting with my body as close to this door as possible.  Therefore, I should go first.  Fourth(ly?), this elevator has taken long enough to get here.  Naturally, I will go first.

As you can see, we have some minor discrepancies.

This leads to a great deal of shoving and bag dropping and babies crying and general mayhem.

Today, as I stood aside and watched a scenario similar to this unfold, I started to think about better ways to ride in an elevatort.  I think I've come to the most interesting and amusing conclusion.  Therefore, it is logical and should quickly be put into practice.

I propose:

King of the Elevator

This is how King of the Elevator will work:

The persons on either side of the elevator door will stand as far away from the door as possible.  When the elevator doors slide open, each person will run full tilt into a body slam with the other person.  Whoever is able to body slam the opponent hard enough into slamming back into the wall, causing a concussion from said body slamming, will be crowned King of the Elevator.  Upon receiving the title of King of the Elevator, you will be given a crown from a bystander and congratulated.  (This makes people feel happy about winning and encourages losers to work on their body slamming skills in order to one day become, King of the Elevator.)

Here's the tricky part.

You must always wear your King of the Elevator crown.  This way, if you do come into battle again, others will be intimidated by you and perhaps you can have a stronghold on your elevator kingdom.  However, if you happen to do battle and become the concussed person, your crown will be revoked.  You will then become minion of the elevator.  You must work your way back up the ranks to become King of the Elevator.  I think this is a good rule.  Otherwise, people wouldn't be body slamming each other and elevator rides would become mundane.

In conclusion, I believe that this style of elevator riding is superior to the current cultures of Western and Eastern elevator riding.  I mean, there are battles, crowns, injuries, and most importantly:  there is body slamming.  During your next trip on the elevator, I encourage each of you to become King of the Elevator.

Some people may be confused by your behavior.  There may even be law suits.  But how else can we begin riding elevators like kings?

100th Birthday!

I asked my students to write an essay about what will happen on their 100th Birthday.  Everyone was pretty excited about it and here are two of my favorites... so far.  I will be getting more today, so maybe there will be more fun writing soon.

This is a happy story by one of the cutest kids I have in class.  Also, her name is Rita.  Just try and tell me that's not the cutest name for a tiny Korean child.

I will be doing my birthday party with my family

I think my family are going to count 100 people.

My hair will be white.

My teeth will be just 6 or 7.

I will be enjoying because my famliy 

congratulations to me and 

my famliy give to me a present.

The next story has this written across the top:  SAD STORY

I am not happy.  because I think

'I will die.'  I'm scared.  my family 

is coming my house.  and they are give

present and cake.  I said "think you!"

We are talking 5 hour.  They are time to go.

house I'm sad.  They are go to house.  I'm alone.

I decide!!  I will die.  because I'm load about 

my family.  I hug my husband photo, and 

deep sleep, eternity sleep, goodbye me family.

Actually, I've just realized that this story was written by a student whose story last week was one of my favorites.  This will be the last one for now.  It's about opening your Christmas presents.  Your grandmother gives you a machine that can duplicate anything (except money) that  you put inside of it.

Oh!  I have two rubys.  I put rubys again.  

I think 'I am rich!!  I will buy everything

I buy house, expensive object

I bring gold, silver and I put gold, silver

Yes!!  I have a many bail.  I want everything

I have much greed.  So I buy human

and I say "You are my waiting woman.'

I am very happy.  but people say

"You are die."  because I buy people!

one people say "we can do kill her!"

People is broke my object and 

one people is kill me.  "Oh!  no."

I get up!  'Oh This is dream!  Ha.'

I'm very surprise.  "Oh my christmas present

I open the box.  Machine is in the box.

"NO!"

That's all for now.  I love reading these stories because they all come up with such ridiculous things.  

lace face.

what's more bitchin'?

THE Micromachine?

or

THE Hog?

I need to know. 

evidence can and will be used against you in a court of law.

pleased as punch.

one from the back!

this is photographic evidence that the cat will, in fact, go into the carrier willingly.  she will try her hardest to get you to believe this is not true.  however, i'm obviously the one taking the pictures so who put your ass in there, cat?!

as long as she thinks this is mcdonald's playplace, i'm willing to keep her carrier out.

don't park here!

this is the very first sign that i could understand and recognize in korean.  it means don't park here.  i used to walk past this sign on the road everyday and i would repeat it all the time so that i could try and remember to ask my korean teacher what it meant.  joo cha kuhm jee.  joo cha kuhm jee.  in the style of a train.  haha. 

it's really funny because my friends in busan seem to be under the severe delusion that i can speak korean well.  i can speak a little korean but by no means can i speak it well.  although, i do feel happy that i've tricked a group of people into thinking i'm more intelligent than i really am.  my plan to take over the world is working!  must be all those episodes of pinky and the brain i watched. 

galbi, yum-o.

i'm having the time of my life.

only the cutest face i've ever seen.

brothers in action.